There, and back again.

Noam Cohen writes about coast hopping between brooklyn and Oakland California. the NYT article is mostly about the perceived similarities of the two cities and the freelance nature of hipsters allowing more and more coast switching. I am no hipster, but i have switched coasts twice.

I have had the opportunity to take jobs and live in 3 cities besides NY. Tel Aviv, which was brief but extremely dramatic and informative as to how to go somewhere far and different, completely by myself and without connections. as well as L.A. and San Francisco, which i allowed more time for, and really got to experience fully.

Where this has left me, is in something of a confused state. now that i am back in my hometown 6 years after moving west. i find myself caught between nostalgia for a NY that really doesn't even exist anymore, and this changed city which i can't really understand since i feel like i outgrew it, or it outgrew me while i was away. the aspects of new york, and my old friends who live here, are so drastically different then they were just over a half a decade ago, that it's as if i returned to an unfamiliar place. one that i hadn't even really lived in yet. I have become somewhat schizo about what place i identify with the most. where before, i always assumed that NYC was the only place for me.

It's one of those things where, while i was in california, i had this static idea of NYC in my mind. one that stayed put. i missed certain places, certain people, and certain activities. but it's never like that. everything moves. the places change, the individuals change, and naturally activities follow.

the lesson learned for me, is that it's a waste of time to miss a place in such a way. especially a vibrant city that has so many moving parts. i have this in mind now, when i consider the sunny weather, year long beach and mountain access, and creative edginess of the cali cities. the people i miss there are certainly not the same as they were, things have changed there while i have been living here in the east. so i shouldn't be bothering myself with the idea that i would be having a better life in SF or LA if i were there. It wouldn't even be the same place i am picturing, if i were to go back now. I have to think about these places in terms of logistical differences, not social ones.

one logistic is weather. making it through this (relatively mild) winter has certainly shown me the importance of sunshine in my daily life. now that i am all too aware of how easy it is to pick up and move 3000 miles to live near the beach. believe me, i consider that every time i wake up here and see grey sky out the window. i consider it while picking which thick jacket i will need to wear to brave it outside. it has given me all that much more respect for california transplants who weather years in NY after growing up out there. it's HARD to adjust. I had no idea about this before i left. Winter was winter and the seasons just did their thing. but its more then that now. i HATE sitting in my car waiting for it to warm up. I hate wearing a winter hat and getting an itchy head. I hate worrying about where to put my jacket in a bar or lounge. Its the little things that add up.

it's almost a curse for me, because had i remained in NY, none of these things would be bothering me right now. the absolute gentrification that has taken place since the 80's was something that i adjusted to as it went. it was something that coincided nicely with me getting older, and more gentrified in my own tastes. i really don't need to worry about my mom or sister walking home anymore, or running constantly from roving groups of "wilding" punks. i am kind of passed that in my life. plus it happened so slowly that while i lived here, it was hard to notice. its only really obvious if you leave for a while, or if you think back to specific memories, like smoking joints in the 84th street quad movie theatre. WHAT?!

but, i am not passed loving being in a colorful city. a place where it's too crazy and creative to be over-ran by financial advisers and bankers with nannies and strollers. a place that has some grit to it, yet isn't so far off the beaten path just to be affordable. in new york, these places have been shrinking and receding to the suburbs. to the point where you have to go WAY uptown or to an outer borough, like brooklyn. of course, for me, if i wanted to live in an outer borough to have affordable rent and grit, where having a car is more needed and possible, well then i would move to LA.

brooklyn to me, is like LA or Oakland (or even cleveland). flat, not really urban, not really country. it misses out on the best of both worlds and ends up with none. Venice California is like that, only without the bad weather, with a beach thats sunny all year, and with just as many pretty, young, and creative people living in bigger, much nicer apartments and houses. it also seems less desperate about its self image. i get the feeling when i am in brooklyn or downtown that everyone is almost insecure about being hip. hipness here is aggressive. its like a dying breed raging against its own slow defeat. downtown needs desperately to differentiate itself from the rest of the island, because it is aware of it's limited lifespan and how soon it will have to leave. Venice just started, and it seems to go at a slower pace in changing. probably because people end up staying longer.

There's also San Francisco to consider. SOMA is a lot like brooklyn too, only its right in the middle of the city proper of SF. you can walk there from union square. its hip, its edgy, artistic. and affordable. you can go surfing and snowboarding in the same weekend, in places that are completely wild and dramatic. A lot of san francisco is like what NYC was 15 years ago. it's wild and crazy at night. there's a sense of freedom there that NY has lost. again its little things like noticing that people are smoking a joint in the movie theatre yet that's OK. the police have streets to mind so they don't bother people who don't actively harm other people. its a place that still has normal priorities. a place that puts social programs, gay rights, the war, and the environment way out in front of nationalism and unregulated markets. new york was once like that.

Of course, there's also a grain of salt. i speak about certain areas only. north of russian hill is totally gentrified, completely uncreative, and down right stuffy. as well as foggy. places like the mission and soma are much better weather, as well as much cooler areas. so SF is changing like NY. i just can't tell how far a place like that can take gentrification, since the market and the money there is on a smaller scale. San Fran is 1/10th the size of NYC. something that you can feel after living there for a year or more. i started noticing how often i ran into the same people. ESPECIALLY when i was single. it was more or less confining in that aspect. imagine being on a date, being sat down at a table one over from an ex, and then realizing you had also dated the waitress. that's San Francisco.

New York is a great city, but it is one that is highly transient. it gets flooded by people from all over, who have no awareness of the city's dirty history, they stay a while, and then move back out to the suburbs. so the city basically has no awareness of itself from a few years before. like in my neighborhood, i can't even find a place that puts a normal amount of cream cheese on a bagel. this isn't because cream cheese has increased in price. it's because the people hired to spread it, and the people who order it, have no idea what the normal amount was a decade ago. there are no expectations set in stone. so there I am, the only one standing there going WTF?! it can be isolating being a native here.

i walk through a neighborhood that used to be small hip great cafes, and small mom and pop pizza places. now there's starbucks, which is 4-5 bucks for a cup of coffeee that isn't fresh, and then there's a domino''s pizza. domino's pizza is so far below what ny pizza is supposed to be, that it's ASTOUNDING to me that Domino's can even exist here. who is BUYING that stuff? why did they move to NY and spend so much money, when they just want food from a mini mall in ohio?

and then finally, what is obvious about people in ny, is that more and more of my old friends are moving further and further out, some as far as california, actually. compared to the friends i made in california, they are much more uptight about small things, like making plans. its a lot of effort here, because distances are growing, where in california car culture, going far is normal, and in SF, there just isn't much distance to cover. people work much harder and many more hours in general so schedules are limited here.

plus you can't go out without waiting an hour to get seated, places worth going to are often so sceney or crowded that half your energy is spent on just sitting down. people are less likely to invite people over, because homes are so cramped. backyards and front yards only exist outside of the city proper.

of course my take on this is specific to my own situation and experiences. i left NY in my twenties, a time that seems to be NY's sweet spot for fun, a time where you would trade in comfort for excitement and so would all your friends. now that i am older, my priorities are shifting more to quality of life then proximity to the center of the universe. but who knows what's better? it's all about timing anyways.