So, I lost my virginity at a very young age. Big fucking deal.

if we are going to define sex as being an act of pure love, between two consenting persons, then i got that out of the way at the tender age of 13.

i have been made all too aware by various girlfriends that this is kind of gross, and WAY too early to have been healthy. but i disagree fully. i was ready willing and not quite able as far back as i can remember. i was nothing short of a horny little bastard in my earliest memories. i remember having dominatrix like dreams about my summer camp teacher when i was 6. if my memory serves me right, they were kind of hot dreams for so young a mind.

at 8, i was on a class trip to Coney Island, and my pretty, relatively young teacher was wearing one of those bikinis that tie in the back. in a devious and horny plot, i staged a fake fall right behind her when she was yelling at some kids who were wading out too deep in the water. the idea was to pretend to fall as i passed behind her and to grab the knot end that would untie it. well, it worked. i saw her bobos. she also thought it was a mistake. how SMART was i?

anyways, i guess i just wanted to describe, what the perfect way to lose one's virginity as a child would be. for me, it was with a girl whom i had had a devastating crush on for almost a decade, which back then, was more then 3/4 of my life on earth. i day dreamed about her during every single long drive i ever took to vermont, i had chapters of daydreams involving her, Elizabeth. the school we went to, was a small, very progressive private school near columbia university uptown. it was the kind of close knit family school where everybody knew everybody really well. it was a perfect place for a city kid, surrounded by danger and uncertainty. the only problem with the school was that it abruptly ended in the 8th grade. so we were forced to kind of wrap things up at the age of 13. to close out on 10 year relationships and march out into the real world. so naturally, everything that we wanted to happen regarding each other HAD to happen in that final year. i think this rush to make these relationships complete, ended up accelerating our voyage to sexuality. i was forced to confront my crush for Elizabeth by calling her one night. the two of us realized we had mirrored each other for all those years. it was the most incredible discovery of my young romantic life. that night we stayed on the phone, unbeknownst by my mom, until the morning, speaking to our true love for one another. i called her my sleeping beauty and she called me her prince charming. it was downright Shakespearean. i am sadly sure, that the force of those feelings will never again be matched, simply because they were so long in the making and they were those FIRST feelings. the ones that completely knock us on our asses. you know, before people fuck us up and fill us with doubt and cynicism. before things get watered down by mistakes.

a week later, when we finally had mustered up the courage to lie down together, in my friend Zar's bunk bed in his penthouse apartment on 89th street and west end avenue, we were fully ready to go all the way. well, we were mentally at least. i wasn't even half way through puberty yet, so things like getting a condom on were physically awkward to say the least.

the actual event was terrifying, i had no idea what i was doing and she was awkward and slightly uncomfortable. but after it happened we "retired" to the penthouse deck, and sat next to each other and looked out over the hudson river in the moonlight. we had this perfect moment, where we were finally together, we were totally in love, and we had our WHOLE lives ahead of us. a life that up until then had seemed kind of a solo performance. now we were aware of the possibility that we might be part of a couple rather then single people. a duet, that had always been just one voice. it was an incredible experience for both of us. i don't know when the right time to have sex is for most people, but that was my right time. i wouldn't have it have happened any other way.

i guess thats why i can't understand the public outcry when some hot teacher sleeps with some 14-15 year old boy. i just think to myself "that lucky little bastard." i guess i will be the first to admit having a double standard for girls, with male teachers. although to be honest, i knew a girl in my highschool who did that and she was certainly not damaged. she was probably more mature about it then the teacher was(now that i am an adult, the idea that this 25 year old was sleeping with a 16 year old girl is gross. but it didn't bother me then). but when it comes to the opposite combination, a young boy and a female teacher, i can't imagine that teacher deserving years in prison. i was so sex crazed at that young age, due mostly to the fact that girls were SO guarded back then about that kind of thing, especially when boys weren't seniors. it's an odd thing, gauging when sex is ok for a young boy. most likely it's the kind of thing where its better to play it safe then be sorry later. but for me, i was ready, and would have hit on my teachers had i found them attractive :)