The nine foot butt worm...

Here is a testament to how much i like Sushi. I have eaten it at least twice a week since way back. all the way back to the meals i used to get with my mom, when my parents were getting a divorce. i must have started at around 11. This is despite having been told the following story when I was 13.

I guess that Sushi was kind of new on the popular scene in the early 80's. before that I had never seen a sushi place on the upper west side, or down in the village, the two neighborhoods i lived in. then suddenly they were everywhere. people with flock of seagull hairdos and hundreds of thin circular black bracelets were swearing that raw fish was not only good to eat, but that it was yummy. it was the new Chinese food. somewhat exotic, but turning mainstream.

Since it was new, there was naturally some distrust, so like the time when Aids came out and people wouldn't share soda for fear of getting aids. Sushi became the food that had horror stories and myths attached to it. one of these myths got told to me on the roof of my school building. there was a fenced in deck up there on the 10th floor that was perfect for dodgeball, with old city buildings and water towers as a backdrop. i was talking about having eaten sushi the night before and my friend Wave, told me that some guy had eaten sushi and felt fine after doing it. but then a year later, he was taking a shit on his toilet and looked between his legs to see a large black worm about an inch thick sguiggling its head around in the water. he jumped up and grabbed it and realized that its long body was disappearing into his butt hole. he grabbed onto it and started pulling. it started to come out. but it kept coming, and coming. until eventually he got it all. it was a worm that had been in the sushi which had grown in his intestines to the awesome length of 9 feet!


i never questioned the validity of the story, in those playground days, every story was true no matter how outlandinsh the tale was. so i never once looked up the chance that a worm could grow that large undetected and basically turn into a python in your stomach. in retrospect, i don't think i would have believed it now for one second, i probably won't even google or snopes.com it. but back then, when i still believed that Jimmy the super fly snuka was REALLY wrestling and that Ninjas could fly, i bought it face value.

So everytime i ate sushi after hearing that, i always wondered if one of those worms was hidden in my fish. i always pictured the thing wiggling inside me, and then flying out of my butt one day as a 10 foot viper with teeth. yet i never turned Sushi down. i forged ahead, despite the possibility of having something resembling Sauron from the Lord of the Rings inside me, i kept on chewing and swallowing blissfully. that's either a testament to my bravery, or more likely, proof that i LOVE SUSHI. yum yum.