Ever notice that? my dad used to say that to me and i used to laugh thinking that it was a joke. but it's largely true. let somebody go ahead of you in a line and they turn out to be the slowest person possible, give somebody a ride to the airport and end up with a flat tire going home. it's the cosmos telling us that there really is no right and wrong, only a universal sense of humor.
i was thinking about examples of this phenomenon and remembered an interesting experience i had in San Francisco a few years ago. on the surface the decision i made was honorable and i was undoubtedly doing the right thing. but in the end, in light of events, the lesson i might have come out with was that i had done the wrong thing by being good.
San Francisco is a city with a reputation for being somewhat open minded when it comes to sexual encounters, or any kind of encounter for that matter. its a very fast paced city and there are a lot of "loose" people running around. i was in a serious relationship for the first year and a half of my time there so i was at the point of this story, relatively unaware of that aspect of the city.
not that i hadn't noticed the over active energy yet, but that i had deftly managed to avoid it myself trying to be monogamous, and had only seen it indirectly through my ex-girlfriend's infuriating ability to get a lot of attention and to play with it in front of me. so, basically, it was an annoyance to me rather then something to go out and have fun with.
so one day, i was walking through the Fillmore area on the way to a great Indian restaurant on Haight Street. it was late afternoon and the sun was starting to make the sky red and purple. the air was mild and warm and i think it was summer, although its hard to say because there is a noticable lack of seasons there to help you organize your memories with. I was meeting my ex and some of her work friends. we were having a lot of problems by then, i wasn't making her feel secure in her new found life in California and she wasn't making me feel like she was trustworthy or considerate. two very obviously fatal issues. unfortunately when you are in love and are so closely involved, the obvious can often be elusive. so i think we were in the middle of one of our fights and i didn't really feel like socializing with her and her friends but had agreed anyways.
i knew that if i walked all the way from my place in the Nob hill/Tenderloin area that i would get to miss half of the dreaded meal. so i was walking and i was walking slowly. enjoying the scenery, of which San Fran has a lot of. i came to the intersection of Fillmore and Grove streets i noticed that a silver Mercedes had pulled up to the crosswalk and had stopped. i was walking slowly and was about 40 feet from the intersection so there was no reason for the car to wait for me. but it did. i noticed the passenger side window rolled down and i could see that there were two blond women about my age looking at me and talking to each other. they were pretty looking and i thought it was weird that these two would be staring at me so intently and it even made me a bit uncomfortable. as i walked in front of the car i felt, and i rarely can say this, objectified.
"hey hottie, come over here" said the passenger. they were both smiling at me and it didn't really seem like a dangerous situation, plus i was really in no rush to get where i was going. so i stopped and turned around and walked up to her rolled down window and leaned in to speak to them. they looked at each other and something seemed to pass between them, the driver nodded and the passenger turned to me. "would you by any chance be interested in a threesome with us? we never do this, but you are like, um, our 'type'".
i immediately laughed. the question was SO outrageous to me and so unexpected that i assumed it was a bad joke. i think it also made me a bit nervous. but neither of them laughed. the passenger looked at her friend and then cleared her throat. "uhh, no, i am completely serious, we have protection and nothing to do right now, and we live around the corner on Mcallister. we are totally normal and cool. really. do we look bad?"
i still couldn't believe it. a lot of things had happened to me in my life up to that point, but nothing like this. i had only read about these kinds of things in the Penthouse forums i used to find in my uncle's old porn collection in my grandmother's attic when i was a pre-pubescent squeaker. "uh no, not really. so you are being serious? really?".
they both nodded, just as serious as before. there was no sign of any intended joke or prank. i stood up and scratched my head trying to process the event in my mind. what to do? my little angle and little devil, the ones that sit on each side of my ears squared up against each other. on one side, this would be exactly the kind of event that would have made it so i couldn't get annoyed at my ex for her flirty nature, because i would be the big sinner. it might have even have removed half of what was ailing my current relationship in a sick convoluted way. i actually thought that for a second. and then, the fucking angel stepped in, the moral upright citizen in the back of my mind whispered in my ear, "dude, you already got the offer, that should make your ego feel nice and sweet right now. plus if you do the right thing here, you will be able to say that in the future and use it as yet another reason your lady should feel bad for being irresponsible with you." the voice seemed right. i had assumed the position of the victim in my relationship and it really made sense to keep it that way. to remain in line. to do the right thing.
i leaned back into the open window, i could smell the first girl's breath, it had an inviting warmth and fruity smell to it, and being in their space was very pleasant. but i had to do it, "you know what, any guy would kill me right now for what i have to say, but i have a girlfriend whom i am actually walking to meet right now. if it weren't for that, i would jump in the car right now. you two seem really cool and i am flattered for the offer."
they seemed a bit disappointed, but not nearly as much as i was. the angel had bodyslammed the devil. and before i knew what was happening, they were already waving goodbye and rolling away. the angel was standing over the little devil with a shit eating grin in his face. the bastard had won. i had a very brief moment where i felt very honorable, but that quickly deteriorated into a sharp sense of regret. the change was almost faster then the acceleration of the mercedes. honor was fleeting at best.
so there went one of those shining oppurtunities for a young man to experience the rare and elusive random double hook-up. just slipped right through my fingers as quickly as it appeared.
the irony here, the part of the tale that flipped the script on me. the twist through which the universe proved itself once again to be a master of punchlines. is that the work friends i met that night at dinner, just a few minutes later. turned out to be my ex's "work" husband. a guy who i found out later that she had made out with on a few occasions.
so what's the moral of the story? i actually have no idea.
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